The Fudge-Em-Up
by Light My Crazy Diamond
Summary: Super Ness Galaxy #003: The Fudge-Em-Up. Ness and Cordelia accidentally enter a rift in time and space that transports them to a dimension of metareality, with no respect for any conventional laws of physics.
1. The Fudge-Em-Up 1

Cordelia frowned in concentration as she bit on the end of her pen, not noticing the trickle of saliva running down its length until it was already wetting her finger. She shook her writing hand dry, taking special care to not get any of the drool on the numerous sheets of paper sprawled about on her new Gracie low-table. Then she got back to work, writing long lines of numbers and notes, scrawling equations only to cross them out, and drawing a very rough diagram of the current galaxy based on the position of the stars around her.

All this she did while hurtling through space at a speed rivaling that of light.

It wasn't nearly as impossible as it sounded. Their little Luma, once transformed into a Launch Star, could not only blast them several lightyears through the universe, but also produce a cosmic rail of light that provided both a visual indicator of their path and a comfortable resting place for their bottoms – be that by standing, lying down, or in Cordelia's case, sitting.

From her secondary stomach Cordelia retched out her copy of the 42nd edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, a rather thick atlas-esque reference book that contained detailed informations and pictures of hundreds of galaxies and their respective star/planetary systems. Having bought it secondhand in a dingy bookstore on the planet of Faulknerd, the book wasn't the latest edition to be published, but that hardly mattered: It was extremely unlikely that Luma had blasted them off to any of the couple handful of galaxies that had popped up since the five years of this book's publication.

Cordelia squeezed her tongue against the back of her front teeth as checked the index of the book for the Wavebird System. Page 349. She flipped through the book until she found the page she was looking for, and compared the star map detailed on the page with the diagram she had drawn. Sure enough, the key identifiers were all present – a constellation towards the general northeast in the shape of a Guay, and, more obviously, the binary star system of a huge green star and its smaller red brother. Cordelia snapped the book shut, stuffed it down her throat, and began rustling through the stack of notes she had accumulated over the past decade. Experience really was the best teacher, and ten years of it had driven some key knowledge of the trade into her brain. She just _knew_ she had seen that trademark green-and-red binary stars before. Double-checking with the Hitchhiker's Guide had been largely redundant, a simple matter of regular protocol that she adhered to more out of practice than necessity.

Cordelia crumpled up the diagram of the galaxy she had painstakingly recreated for the past hour and threw it behind her shoulder. Then she turned to the her old handdrawn star map of the Wavebird System and charted her current trajectory through the stars with a compass and protractor. If the cosmic rail was any indication, then it would seem that their next destination would be the planet of Ordona. A planet she and Ness had yet to gone to. Which was good, for there were times when Luma blasted them to worlds they had already been in, which meant that at least two days were wasted as Luma recharged its transformative properties. Cordelia pre-emptively crossed out Ordona from her map as planets they had previously visited, before stuffing everything back into her thick waterproof (and very much salivaproof) binder and shoving that back into her secondary stomach.

Her work for the journey complete, Cordelia let out a monster of a yawn, stretching her arms and straightening her back – but not too much, because snuggling comfortably against her back was her companion, deep in sleep with a content smile on his face. Ness's body was tucked snugly inside a red sleeping bag, with literal emphasis on "bag", for a pair of nylon ropes kept him straddled to her back. Seeing his resting figure impelled a warm smile of her own, and Cordelia patted Ness on top of his head out of sisterly affection. Then she turned her head back around, wrapped her arms around the sides of the table to turn it back into a leaf, and –

– widened her eyes in utter surprise as the sight of a pure black rectangle magnified into view.

"Wha –" Cordelia uttered, before shaking her head and furiously throwing up the binder of notes again. She tore out the page detailing the Wavebird System and frantically scanned the map. There wasn't supposed to be another planet in their charted path for another three billion miles! And there certainly wasn't supposed to be a planet that looked like a giant black pane! How – why – unless she had just been very, _very_ inaccurate with her drawing –

They were hurtling closer and closer to this completely barren land of inexplicable emptiness and desolation, and Cordelia knew she didn't have much time.

"Ness!" she cried, shaking her back to and fro. "Ness! Wake up!"

"We reaching yet?" came his sleepy groan.

"No! I mean – yes, in a way – oh, just _brace yourself_!"

And that was exactly what Cordelia did, as Ness turned his head from behind her shoulder to see just where exactly they were landing. She swallowed the binder and the table-leaf whole, stood up on her boots, and tried to adjust her stance so that she would land squarely on her feet when the cosmic rail came to an end. And an end it was coming to soon, for as the distance closed the colossal black plane occupied more and more of her vision, until it appeared as though they would fall endlessly through a void of interdimensional metareality.

Little did she know that that was exactly what it was.

* * *

˙pǝuɐoɹƃ ɐılǝpɹoϽ ,,'ɹǝɥʇoɹq 'ɥO,,

"Auuugghhh!" Cordelia screamed as she sank through the above horizontal line and fell through a vacuum of pure white that was becoming increasingly less white with each word your eyes read. Or at least, she _thought_ she was falling, for as soon as any notion of acceleration under gravity took hold of her mind, Cordelia found her fall broken by a tangible nothing of whiteness, indistinguishable from the universal white that pervaded their residing dimension.

" _Wooah_ ," Ness gasped in wonder, completely awake now and at awe of the latest planet he had just landed in – if such an empty realm could even be called a planet. "Where _are_ we?"

"How the fuzz should I know?" Cordelia yelled, her mind trying desperately to process the latest sequence of events that had undermined the very fabric of conventional physics. "There was this – giant black pane of – soft glass or something – and we just sank right through it!" She turned her head in various directions before concluding, equally loudly, "And now we're in some kind of world where literally nothing exists except us and white, white, white!"

"That's not true! Look, there's some black over there!"

Ness wrestled out of his sleeping bag and launched himself off of Cordelia's back. He bounded over a distance that did not exist to some microscopic black conjuring itself into existence in the whiteness. He had to squint to see just what exactly they were.

"Hey, they're words!"

"What do they say?"

Ness squinted harder, trying to discern the tiny alphabets from each other, as though whoever was writing was not aware he had an infinite whiteboard to make his writing clear.

"'"What do they say?"'"

"That's what I'm asking you."

"And that's what it says. '"What do they say?"'. Complete with question mark and double apostrophes. Hang on, there's more."

Ness looked below what he had just read and squinted again.

"'Ness squinted harder...' Hey, this place knows my name!"

"Bravo," Cordelia said very sarcastically as she brought her hands together to produce a very sarcastic clap.

"Do you know hers?" Ness eagerly asked, pointing to the grumpy purple Yoshi and looking up to a being that could not possibly exist.

 **SUDDENLY** , under a very massive and underlined 'suddenly' that suddenly appeared, appeared:

 **C**  
 **O**  
 **R**  
 **D**  
 **E**  
 **L**  
 **I**  
 **A**

A tower of letters that spelled out 'Cordelia', as equally massive but unequally underlined as the 'suddenly' that had suddenly appeared prior.

Cordelia's jaw dropped in confused shock while Ness, now positively bouncing in excitement, said, "Wow! This place knows both my _and_ your name!" Ness again grinned up to where he thought the apparently-sentient master of the void resided, and called out, "What about you? Do you have a name?"

And below their feet appeared the words:

 **THE FUDGE-EM-UP**

"The Fudge-Em-Up..." Ness read, as the words suddenly shifted from below his feet to above his head. "Wow! Great name! What does it mean?"

"Ness, I'm starting to really, really, _really_ not like this place," Cordelia said, the unconventional rules of metareality already starting to give her the creeps.

"Aww, don't be like that, Cords! It's not like this interdimensional rift in time and space is trying to kill us or anything," Ness chided cheekily, as words as equally bold and capitalized appeared below:

 _ **It means I'm going to wind you up! Get ready, Yoshi and gentleman, for the Hurricane Challenge!**_

Then, all of a sudden...

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"Where's all this wind coming from?!" Cordelia screamed_

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"I don't know!" Ness yelled back. "But it's pushing us way too far back!"_

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _It was also severely bending their bodies, threatening to snap their backbones in two._

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"It's trying to blow us away!" Cordelia roared over the ear-splitting swoosh._

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"We've got to do something!" she continued._

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"How?"_

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _Cordelia scanned the direction from which the wind was blowing._

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"There!" she hollered, pointing down to an open hole and a plug._

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"Plug that sucker up! Use your shield to get there!"_

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 _"On it!" Ness roared, before quickly bringing his hands (almost) together._

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind  
HOLE  
PLUG

 _"PK Shield!" he shouted, and the moment the pink bubble enveloped him_

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

Ness became immediately immune to the howling winds.

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

The sudden restoration of balance caused him to bumble about.

WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind

 **Ness** , however, didn't even have time to get his bearings, for the pink bubble would decay within two seconds. He ran quickly, and when he was immediately below the source of the calamity (where he is currently **bolded** ), Ness jumped, scaled a ladder of WindWindWindWindWindWindWindWindWind's, grabbed the PLUG, and stuffed in into the HOLE.

The raging winds stopped just as the pink bubble-shield

The instant the typhoon abated, Cordelia's body launched

phazed out of existence. Ness collapsed to the ground,

itself forward and fell flat on the ground, the forces of inertia

gulping air through his mouth and lying as still as a

refusing her a smooth stop. She panted with her tongue long

board. He remained motionless for quite the while,

out, and remained motionless for quite the while,

filling his lungs with glorious, glorious oxygen. Finally

filling her lungs with glorious, glorious oxygen. Finally

he got up to check whether Cordelia was alright...

she got up to check whether Ness was alright...

...Only to realize that she was an infinity away.

...Only to realize that he was an infinity away.

"Cords!" he shouted, cupping his hands over his mouth.

"Ness!" she shouted, cupping her hands over her mouth.

"Stay there! I'll go to you!" He walked quickly, but found,

"Stay there! I'll go to you!" She walked quickly, but found,

much to his confusion, that no matter how quickly or how

much to her confusion, that no matter how quickly or how

far he walked, he could never close the distance between.

far she walked, she could never close the distance between.

It was as though he was walking on a treadmill that

It was as though she was walking on a treadmill that

matched the exact speed of his feet in the opposite

matched the exact speed of her feet in the opposite

direction, so that his effective displacement was zero.

direction, so that her effective displacement was zero.

"What now?" Ness muttered to himself, taking off his

"Oh, so that's how you wanna play it, huh?" Cordelia snarled

cap and scratching his head. It was clear that Fudge-

as she glared up, similar to how Ness had affectionately done.

Em-Up did not want them to reunite, at least via the

"Well, fine. Fine! I'll figure out a way to Ness without walking. Just

conventional methods of walking. So, what, then,

you wait!" And to prove she meant it, too, she snorted like a

could they use to close the persistent gap that just

furious horse and blew a loud, wet raspberry. Then, with her tongue

refused to die? What ability did they have, if any,

still out, Cordelia looked over to Ness, who was but an infinitesimal speck,

that could solve this Zenosian paradox of a puzzle?

and frowned. Was there anything she had that could close this gap...?

Then it hit him.

Then it hit her.

"Tongue!" he yelled in glee, and immediately he

"Tongue!" she shouted in triumph, and immediately she

cupped his hands over his mouth again.

cupped her hands over her mouth again.

"Cords! Use your tongue! Stretch it to me!" he

"Ness! I'll use my tongue and stretch it to you!" she

shouted at the top of his lungs. He waved frantically

yelled as loud as her larynx would allow her. She waved wildly

in the hopes that he would get her attention, unsure

in the hopes that she would get his attention, uncertain

of just how audible he was. "Don't worry, I'll grab it!"

of her audibility over such distance. "Make sure you grab it!"

Ness, with bated breath, waited for the long familiar

Cordelia reeled her head back and spat out her tongue, stretching it as far, far, far, far, far, far as possible.

snake of a tongue to zip to his side – and indeed it did. Ness reached up, grabbed Cordelia's tongue, and gave a quick yank. Cordelia's feet lifted off the ground, her body flying right towards Ness like a huge green yo-yo and showing no signs of slowing or stopping until –

 _WHAM!_

The bonebreaking splatter of body against body was followed by collapses onto their respective backs. Dazed and confused, their pupils bounced about their eyes, and yellow stars orbited their concussed heads. Then they both shook themselves conscious and, upon seeing the other, quickly jumped in jubilation:

"Cords!"

"Ness!"

And the heartfelt reunion concluded with furious hugs from either side.

"We did it!" Ness grinned. "We figured out The Fudge-Em-Up's puzzle! Ha! You hear that, Fudge-Em-Up? You lose!" Ness freed himself from Cordelia's grasp and once again addressed the sentient nothingness that apparently always resided above them. "We're a part of a whole, Cords and I, and nothing you do can ever keep us apart!"

"We've played your sick, twisted little games," Cordelia said, joining her friend in shouting to the heavens above, "and we've had enough! Release us back into our reality at once! _Your_ reality sucks!"

All of a sudden, the non-existent ground they stood on trembled slightly, as though the sentient void had found their impassioned little speeches readily amusing and was rumbling in laughter.

 _ **Release you? But why? You haven't finished the rest of your challenges yet!**_

"Challenges?" Ness repeated, and he could not keep his voice from betraying a hint of excitement.

"Rest of?" Cordelia yelped.

The mini-earthquake continued, slowly concentrating itself into the regions of Cordelia's feet. Cordelia danced and shook about, trying desperately to maintain her footing and not to fall. Then, just as Ness was about to reach forward and take her hand, just as Cordelia threw her arm out in a frantic attempt to seize her friend's shoulder...

Cordelia flipped ǝpᴉsdn-uʍop puɐ ʇoɥs dn oʇ ǝɥʇ ʎɹǝʌ ƃuıuuıƃǝq' uǝɥʍ ǝɥs puɐ ssǝN pɐɥ ʇsɹᴉɟ pǝɹǝʇuǝ ǝƃpnᖵ-ɯƎ-dՈ˙

Ness looked up and could only gulp.

"Uh oh."

 _ **It'll bend your mind! It'll even bend gravity! Get ready, Yoshi and gentleman, for the Gravity Challenge!**_


	2. The Fudge-Em-Up 2

˙uᴉɐɹq ɹǝɥ oʇuᴉ ƃuᴉɥsnƃ ʎʅǝǝɹɟ ʍou pooʅq ƃuıʅᴉoq ǝɥʇ ɥʇıʍ pǝƃƃoʅɔ sɐʍ pɐǝɥ ɹǝɥ puɐ ƃuᴉʅᴉǝɔ pǝuᴉɟǝpun uɐ uo ʞɔnʇs ǝɹǝʍ ʇǝǝɟ ɹǝɥ ʅᴉʇun spɹɐʍdn ƃuᴉʇǝɯɯnld ʇuǝs puɐ ʎʇᴉʌɐɹƃ ʎq pǝʎɐɹʇǝq ǝq oʇ ʎʅǝɹᴉʇuǝ ǝslǝ ƃuᴉɥʇǝɯos sɐʍ ʇᴉ ؛ǝuɐɔıɹɹnɥ ƃuᴉʞɐǝɹqʞɔɐq ɐ ʎq puǝᴉɹɟ ɹǝɥ ɯoɹɟ pǝʇɐɹɐdǝs ǝq oʇ ƃuᴉɥʇ ǝuo sɐʍ ʇI ˙ɥƃnouǝ pɐɥ pɐɥ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ

˙pǝʇnoɥs ǝɥs "¡dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ¡ʎǝH"

 _ **¿ǝɹǝɥ ɹǝʌo puǝᴉɹɟʎoq snoᴉɔǝɹd ɹnoʎ oʇ ƃuᴉʞ**_ ** _ʅ_** _ **ɐʇ ɯ'I ǝǝs noʎ ʇ'uɐϽ**_ _ **¿**_ ** _ʅ_** _ **ɐǝɹǝɔ s'pᴉʞ**_ **ɟ** _ **o ǝɔǝᴉd pǝɹoʌɐ**_ ** _ʅ_ ɟ** _ **-ɔɐ**_ ** _ʅ_** _ **ᴉ**_ ** _ʅ_** _ **noʎ ʻʇuɐʍ noʎ op ʇɐɥʍ ʻɥO**_

"¡sǝɯɐƃ ɹnoʎ ɟo ʞɔᴉs ǝɹ'ǝϺ ¿ʇɐɥʇ ʇoƃ no⅄ ¡ʎʇᴉlɐǝɹ dn-pǝssǝɯ ɹnoʎ ɟo _ʇno_ sn ʇuɐʍ I uǝɥʇ puɐ ʻǝɹǝɥʇ uʍop ʞɔɐq ʇǝƃ oʇ ʇuɐʍ I ¡ _uʍop_ ʇuɐʍ I ʻɥɔᴉɥʍ ɟo ƃuᴉʞɐǝdS" ˙ǝɔuǝʇsᴉxǝ oʇuᴉ sǝʌlǝsɯǝɥʇ ƃuᴉʇᴉɹʍ ǝɹǝʍ spɹoʍ s'dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ ʇɐ dn ɹǝƃuᴉɟ ƃuᴉuɯǝpuoɔ ɐ pǝʇuᴉod ǝɥS "¡ʇsnp pǝɹ ɟo ʞɔǝds ɐ sᴉ ǝǝs I llɐ ʇɐɥʇ uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn ɹɐɟ os ǝɯ pǝddᴉʅɟ ǝʌ'no⅄ ¿ǝǝS"

 _ **¡pɐǝʇsuᴉ ǝɯɐu ɹnoʎ**_ **ɟ** _ **o sʇǝqɐɥd**_ ** _ʅ_** _ **ɐ ǝɥʇ oʇ ƃuᴉpɹoɔɔɐ pǝʇuǝɯƃǝs ʎpoq ɐ s'ǝɹǝ** **H** **¡sǝƃuǝ**_ ** _ʅ_** ** _ʅ_** _ **ɐɥɔ ƃuᴉuᴉɐɯǝɹ ǝɥʇ pǝʇǝ**_ ** _ʅ_** _ **dɯoɔ ʇ'uǝʌɐɥ noʎ**_ **ɟ** _ **ᴉ ʇɐɥʇ**_ **ɟ** _ **o ʎuɐ noʎ ǝʌᴉƃ ʇ'uɐɔ I ʻɹǝʌᴉ** **l** **ɹnos ʻʎɹɹoS**_

˙ʎpoq ǝɹᴉʇuǝ ɹǝɥ ʇnoɥƃnoɹɥʇ ƃuᴉuunɹ sǝuᴉʅ ʞɔɐlq pǝʇʇop snoᴉɹɐʌ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ ǝɯɐɔǝq ʎʅuǝppns ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ ʻqɯnɥʇ ǝlqᴉsᴉʌuᴉ uɐ ʇsuᴉɐƃɐ ɹǝƃuᴉɟ ǝʅqᴉsᴉʌuᴉ uɐ ɟo dɐus ǝɥʇ ɥʇᴉʍ pu∀

:sʇuǝɯƃǝs ʇuǝɹǝɟɟᴉp ǝɥʇ oʇuᴉ sǝʌʅǝsɯǝɥʇ pǝooʇʇɐʇ ɹǝɥʇɹnɟ ǝɯɐu ɹǝɥ ɟo sɹǝʇʇǝʅ ʞɔɐʅq sɐ pǝdsɐƃ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "¿– ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥϺ"

˙𐄀Ͻ𐄀 ɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ sɐʍ pɐǝɥ ɹǝH-  
˙𐄀o𐄀 uɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ ǝɹǝʍ sɯɹɐ puɐ ʇsǝɥɔ ɹǝH-  
˙𐄀ɹ𐄀 uɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ sɐʍ osɹoʇ ǝʅppᴉɯ ɹǝH-  
˙𐄀p𐄀 ɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ sɐʍ ɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝH-  
˙𐄀ǝ𐄀 uɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ sɐʍ uᴉoɹƃ ɹǝH-  
˙𐄀ʅ𐄀 uɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ sɐʍ ƃǝʅ ʇɟǝʅ ɹǝH-  
˙𐄀ᴉ𐄀 uɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ sɐʍ ƃǝʅ ʇɥƃᴉɹ ɹǝH-  
˙𐄀ɐ𐄀 uɐ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʞɹɐɯ sɐʍ ʅᴉɐʇ ɹǝH-

˙snoᴉʌqo ʅɐnsᴉʌ ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ǝpᴉsɐ sǝɔuǝɹǝɟɟᴉp ʎuɐ ɹoɟ ɟʅǝsɹǝɥ ƃuᴉʅǝǝɟ puɐ ƃuᴉʞooʅ ɟo spuoɔǝs ʅɐɹǝʌǝs ɹǝʇɟɐ pᴉɐs ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "¿ʎpoq ʎɯ oʇ op noʎ pᴉp ʇɐɥʍ – ʇɐɥϺ"

 _ **¡sɹǝʍod ʅɐᴉɔǝds s'ǝɔuǝpuǝɔsuɐɹꓕ ʅɐǝɹǝɥʇƎ ɟo ɹoɹɹᴉꟽ ǝɥʇ sǝʇɐɹʇsuoɯǝp puǝᴉɹɟʎoq ɹnoʎ sɐ ɥsnɥs ʻʍoN ¿I ʇ'upᴉp ʻ**_ ** _ʎpɐǝɹʅɐ_** _ **noʎ pʅo** **ꓕ**_

˙puᴉɯ oʇ suoᴉʇsǝnb ǝɯos ʇɥƃnoɹq ʎʅǝʇɐᴉpǝɯɯᴉ ǝʌᴉʇɔǝɾpɐ ɹǝʇʇɐʅ ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɥʇ ʻssɐʅƃ ɟo ǝuɐd ʇuǝɹɐdsuɐɹʇ ʻʞɔᴉɥʇ ɐ ɟo sǝᴉɹɐpunoq ǝɥʇ ʇno ǝʞɐɯ ʎʅǝɹɐq pʅnoɔ ʻuoᴉsᴉʌ ɹǝɥ ɟo ʎɹǝɥdᴉɹǝd ǝɥʇ uᴉ ʻʎʅuǝppns puɐ ʻɹǝpɹɐɥ pǝʇuᴉnbs ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "– sᴉ ǝǝs I ʅʅ∀ ¿ɹoɹɹᴉɯ ʻuɐǝɯ noʎ op ʇɐɥϺ" ˙sʇuǝɯǝʌoɯ sᴉɥ ǝɹǝʍ ʇɐɥʇ suoᴉʇɐɹqᴉʌ ʎuᴉʇ ǝɥʇ puɐ ssǝN sɐʍ ʇɐɥʇ ʞɔǝds ʎuᴉʇ ǝɥʇ oʇ ʍoʅǝq pǝʞooʅ ǝɥs sɐ spɹoʍ s'dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ʎq pǝsnɟuoɔ puɐ pǝʇuoɹɟɟɐ ɥʇoq ʻpǝuoᴉʇsǝnb ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "¿ʍou ʇɐɥʍ ɟo ɹoɹɹᴉꟽ"

"¡ɟooo – suɐɹʇ s'ʇᴉ ɟᴉ ɹoɹɹᴉɯ ɐ ǝq ʇɐɥʇ uɐɔ ʍoH"

˙ **ᖵ** ʎʇʅᴉnƃ ǝɥʇ oʇuo ʇɥƃᴉʇ ƃuᴉpʅoɥ ɹǝɥʇo ǝɥʇ puɐ ɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝɥ ɟo ɐǝɹɐ pǝʇɔɐdɯᴉ ǝɥʇ ƃuᴉƃɐssɐɯ puɐɥ ǝuo ʻsǝǝuʞ ɹǝɥ oʇuo ʅʅǝɟ puɐ ɹǝʌo pǝʅqnop ǝɥS ˙ʎʅqᴉɹɹoɥ ƃuᴉzǝǝɥʍ ɹǝɥ ƃuᴉʌɐǝʅ puɐ sƃunʅ ɹǝɥ ɟo ʇno puᴉʍ ǝɥʇ ƃuᴉʞɔouʞ ʻɥɔɐɯoʇs ǝɥʇ uᴉ ʇɥƃᴉɹ ɹǝɥ pǝʞɔos puɐ "ɹoɹɹᴉɯ" ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ dn ʇɥƃᴉɐɹʇs ʍǝʅɟ pɹɐɥ puɐ ʅʅɐɯs ƃuᴉɥʇǝɯos ʻʇǝʅʅnq ɐ sɐ ʞɔᴉnb s∀

"¿ɯoɹɟ ǝɯoɔ sᴉɥʇ pᴉp ǝɹǝɥϺ" ˙pǝɹǝʇʇnds ǝɥs "¿ **ᖵ** ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥϺ"

 _ **¡ǝpᴉs ɹǝɥʇo ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ʇɟᴉƃ ǝʅʇʇᴉʅ ∀ ¡ǝɔuǝpuǝɔsuɐɹꓕ ʅɐǝɹǝɥʇƎ ɟo ɹoɹɹᴉꟽ ǝɥʇ puoʎǝq ʻʍoʅǝq ɯoɹᖵ**_

"¡ǝsʅǝ ɹo ʻǝɔuo ʇɐ ǝɹǝɥ ɯoɹɟ uʍop ǝɯ ʇǝ⅁ ˙ɥƃnouǝ pɐɥ ǝʌ'I pu∀" ˙ɹǝʇɥƃᴉʇ uǝʌǝ **ᖵ** ǝɥʇ pǝddᴉɹƃ ǝɥs sɐ pǝɥʇǝǝs ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "ʻpuǝᴉɹɟʎoq ʎɯ ʇou s'ǝH"

˙ƃuᴉɹɐǝddɐ ǝɹǝʍ sʇxǝʇ s'dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ ɐǝɹɐ ʅɐɹǝuǝƃ ǝɥʇ oʇ uʍop ᖵ ǝɥʇ pǝʅɹnɥ ǝɥs ʻooʇ ʻʇᴉ ʇuɐǝɯ ǝɥs ʍoɥs oʇ pu∀

 ** _¿ʞɐǝds ǝʍ sɐ puǝᴉɹɟʎoq ɹnoʎ oʇ ɹǝsoʅɔ ƃuᴉʇʇǝƃ ǝɹ'noʎ ǝǝs noʎ ʇ'uoᗡ ¡ǝsou ɹoɯnʇ ʻxɐʅǝɹ os ʻɹǝɥʇouɐ ɹo ʎɐʍ ǝuo uʍop ƃuᴉoƃ ǝɹ'no⅄ ¿noʎ ʇ'uǝɹɐ ʇuǝᴉʇɐdɯᴉ ǝʅʇʇᴉʅ ɐ ʻǝǝ⅁_**

˙ʇᴉ ƃuᴉǝǝs ʇ'usɐʍ ǝɥs ʻǝɔuɐʇsᴉp uᴉ ǝƃuɐɥɔ ʎuɐ uǝǝq pɐɥ ǝɹǝɥʇ ɟI ˙ɹǝʌǝ sɐ ʎɐʍɐ ɹɐɟ puɐ ʎuᴉʇ sɐ pǝɯǝǝs ssǝN ʅʅᴉʇS ˙uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ dn-ǝpᴉs-ʇɥƃᴉɹ ǝɥʇ pǝʇɐɹɐdǝs ʎɹɐpunoq ssɐʅƃ ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ oʇ uʍop pǝʞooʅ uᴉɐƃɐ ǝɥs sɐ pǝuʍoɹɟ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "¿ɥnH"

"¿ǝɹǝɥʇ no⅄ ¡ԀՈ-ꟽƎ-Ǝ⅁ᗡՈᖵ" :ʎʅdǝɹ ou ƃuᴉɹɐǝɥ ɹou ƃuᴉǝǝs uodn ʻuǝɥꓕ "¿ʇnoqɐ uo noʎ ǝɹɐ ʇɐɥϺ"

˙ʇsoɥƃ ɐ sɐ ʇuǝʅᴉs sɐ ʍou sɐʍ ʻƃuᴉʎɐʅd puɐ ƃuᴉsɐǝʇ uǝdo sʇᴉ ɥʇᴉʍ snoʅnɹɹɐƃ puɐ pnoʅ ǝɔuo ʻdՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥꓕ ˙ƃuᴉɥʇou ʅʅᴉʇS

˙ʍoɹ ɐ uᴉ ǝɔᴉʍʇ sǝƃuǝʅʅɐɥɔ snoᴉʌǝp s'dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɹǝɥʇouɐ ɹoɟ pǝsn ǝq pʅnoʍ uoᴉʇnʅos ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ ǝɯnssɐ oʇ ʻǝsɹnoɔ ɟo ʻʎʅʅᴉs sɐʍ ʇI ˙ǝnƃuoʇ ǝɹos ʎɹǝʌ ɐ sɐʍ ʇɐɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ʇoƃ ǝɥs ʅʅɐ ʇnq ʻǝʅqᴉssod sɐ ƃuoʅ sɐ ʇᴉ pǝpuǝʇxǝ puɐ ǝnƃuoʇ ƃuᴉʇuɐd ɹǝɥ ʇno ʇoɥs ǝɥs ʻʞɹoʍ ʇ'upᴉp ʇɐɥʇ uǝɥϺ ˙ʎʇᴉʌɐɹƃ ʎʌɹnʇ-ʎsdoʇ ɐ ɟo ʅʅnd ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ǝǝɹɟ ʞɐǝɹq oʇ ƃuᴉdoɥ ʻʎʅpǝʇɐǝdǝɹ pǝdɯnɾ-ɹǝʇʇnʅɟ puɐ pǝdɯnɾ ǝɥS ˙ɟʅǝsɹǝɥ uʍop ƃuᴉʇʇǝƃ uo snɔoɟ ɹǝɥ pǝʇɟᴉɥs ǝɥs sɐ pǝɹnɯɹnɯ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "ʻʞɹǝɾ ʎʅpɹɐʍoϽ"

˙ɹᴉɐdsǝp ɟo ʇnoq ʅɐuᴉɟ ɐ uᴉ pǝʅʅǝʎ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "¿sn ɯoɹɟ ʇuɐʍ noʎ op ʇɐɥϺ"

˙ǝɔuǝʅᴉs uᴉ spɹoʍ s'dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɥʇnɹʇ ǝɥʇ pǝʇɐᴉɔǝɹddɐ pɐǝʇsuᴉ puɐ ǝsᴉɹdɹns ɟo suƃᴉs ǝʅqᴉsᴉʌ ou pǝʍoɥs ǝɥs ʻpɹoɔɔɐ uʍo ɹǝɥ uo uʍop ʇǝƃ oʇ ƃuᴉʎɹʇ uᴉ ʇɹoɟɟǝ ɹǝɥ ɟo ʇsoɯ pǝpuǝdxǝ pɐɥ ǝɥs s∀ ˙sƃǝʅ sᴉɥ ɯoɹɟ osɹoʇ sᴉɥ ʻosɹoʇ sᴉɥ ɯoɹɟ pɐǝɥ sᴉɥ ʻʍou ʎʅɹɐǝʅɔ ǝʇᴉnb ʻʇno ǝʞɐɯ pʅnoɔ ǝɥS ˙ʇoʅq ǝʅqɐɥsᴉnƃuᴉʇsᴉpuᴉ uɐ oʇuᴉ sǝɹnʇɐǝɟ s'ssǝN pǝɥsᴉnbs ɹǝƃuoʅ ou ǝɔuɐʇsᴉp ɟo suoᴉsnʅʅᴉ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ punoɟ puɐ – ʇɹɐdɐ ƃuᴉɥʇǝɯos ʅʅnd oʇ ǝɹᴉsǝp snoɹǝpɹnɯ ɹǝɥ puɐ pǝɹʇɐɥ uᴉ ʍoʅʅɐʍ oʇ ʇnq op oʇ ƃuᴉɥʇou ɥʇᴉʍ ʇɟǝʅ ʻʞɔɐq ɹǝɥ uo ʅʅǝɟ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ ˙ʎʅdǝɹ ou ʻuᴉɐƃ∀

– ɐ oʇuᴉ _ɥɔʅǝnbs_ ɐ ɥʇᴉʍ _dod_ pʅnoʍ ǝɥs puɐ ʇɥƃᴉǝʍ oʇ ʎɐʍ ǝʌɐƃ ɥsǝʅɟ ʇsɐʅ ʇɐ ʅᴉʇun ʻǝɔɐɟɹns ʞɔᴉɥʇ sʇᴉ ʇsuᴉɐƃɐ ʎʅɯɹᴉɟ ɹǝɥ pǝssǝɹd dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ɟo sǝɔɹoɟ ǝʅqᴉsᴉʌuᴉ ǝɥʇ sɐ uǝʌǝ ssǝɔɔɐ ɹǝɥ ƃuᴉsnɟǝɹ ʻuᴉɐɯǝɹ ʎʅuɹoqqnʇs ʇᴉ pʅnoʍ ɹO ¿ssɐd oʇ ɹǝɥ ɹoɟ ǝɯɐɔ ʇᴉ ʇuǝɯoɯ ǝɥʇ ʎʅʇuǝᴉpǝqo ʎɐʍ ǝʌᴉƃ ʇᴉ pʅnoϺ ¿ɹoɹɹᴉɯ ɐ sɐ oʇ pǝpnʅʅɐ ʎʅsnoǝuoɹɹǝ dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ ssɐʅƃ ɟo ɥɔʇǝɹʇs snoᴉɹǝʇsʎɯ ʇɐɥʇ ɟo ʇɐɥʍ pu∀ ˙ʍoʅǝq ʅʅǝʍ ʞɔnʇs ǝq pʅnoʍ ǝɥs puɐ ǝʌoqɐ ǝuo ǝɥʇ ǝɯoɔǝq pʅnoʍ ǝɥ ʇɐɥʇ os ʻǝɔuǝpᴉsǝɹ ɟo spunoɹƃ ʇuǝɹɹnɔ s'ssǝN ʍoʅǝq ʅʅǝʍ ƃuᴉʞuᴉs ǝnuᴉʇuoɔ pʅnoʍ ǝɥs sdɐɥɹǝԀ ¿ǝɔuǝʇsᴉxǝ ɟo sǝpoɯ ǝʅqᴉʇɐdɯoɔuᴉ uᴉ pǝʞɔoʅ ǝq ɹǝʌǝɹoɟ pʅnoʍ ʎǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ os ʻdn-ǝpᴉs-ʇɥƃᴉɹ pǝuᴉɐɯǝɹ ssǝN ǝʅᴉɥʍ uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn uᴉɐɯǝɹ ǝɥs pʅnoϺ ¿ʇɥƃᴉɹ ʻɥɔʇɐɔ ɐ ǝq oʇ pɐɥ ǝɹǝɥꓕ ¿ʇɐɥʍ uǝɥʇ pu∀ ˙ssǝN ɥʇᴉʍ ǝʇᴉunǝɹ ʎʅʅɐuᴉɟ oʇ ɥƃnouǝ ʍoʅ puǝɔsǝp ʎʅʅɐnʇuǝʌǝ pʅnoʍ ǝɥs ʻǝɯᴉʇ ɥƃnouǝ uǝʌᴉ⅁ ˙uǝɥʇ ʻǝnɹʇ sɐʍ ʇᴉ oS

˙puᴉɯ ɹǝɥ ɟo uoᴉsᴉʌ ǝɥʇ oʇuᴉ pǝdɯnɾ ɹǝʇʇɐʅds pǝɹ pᴉʌᴉʌ ɐ sɐ pᴉɐs ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "ʻɥO"

˙ǝsᴉɯǝp ʎɥsᴉnbs ʎɹǝʌ ɐ ɯoɹɟ ƃuᴉdɐɔsǝ uᴉ ʅɐᴉɔᴉɟǝuǝq ǝq pʅnoʍ qoɾ ooʇʇɐʇ ɐ ʍoɥǝɯos ɥƃnoɥʇ sɐ ʻǝɯɐu ɹǝɥ ɟo sʇǝqɐɥdʅɐ ǝɥʇ puɐ sǝuᴉʅ pǝʇʇop snoᴉɹɐʌ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʇɐɹoɔǝp ʎʅʍǝu ʎpoq ɐ sɐʍ dʅǝɥ ʅnɟdʅǝɥun sʇᴉ ɹoɟ ʍoɥs oʇ pɐɥ ʇᴉ ʅʅ∀ ˙ǝnʅɔ ʇsǝᴉuᴉʇ ǝɥʇ uǝʌǝ ʇou ʻɥʇᴉʍ ʞɹoʍ oʇ ƃuᴉɥʇou ɹǝɥ uǝʌᴉƃ pɐɥ dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥꓕ ¿ɹǝɥʇoq ʎɥʍ os ʻʎɐʍʎuɐ ʻop pʅnoɔ ǝɥs ƃuᴉɥʇou sɐʍ ǝɹǝɥꓕ ˙ɯoop ƃuᴉpuǝdɯᴉ ɹǝɥ ɟo uoᴉʇɐʅǝʌǝɹ ǝɥʇ uᴉ uǝʌǝ ɯʅɐɔ ʎʅǝƃuɐɹʇs pǝuᴉɐɯǝɹ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ ʇnq ʻʇuǝɯɥsᴉuoʇsɐ ǝɹoɯ ʎuɐ ʍoɥs oʇ ʎʇᴉɔɐdɐɔ ƃuᴉuɐʍ ɹǝɥ puɐ ssǝupǝɹᴉʇ ɟo uoᴉʇɐuᴉqɯoɔ ǝɥʇ sɐʍ ʇᴉ sdɐɥɹǝԀ

˙˙˙ʇɐɥʇ ʇsnɾ uɐɥʇ ʇᴉ oʇ ǝɹoɯ sɐʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ ssǝʅuՈ

˙ǝƃɹɐʅ ʇɐ ɯǝʅqoɹd ǝɥʇ ʇnoqɐ ʇǝƃɹoɟ ʎʅʇuɐʇsuᴉ ɹǝɥ ǝpɐɯ ʇɐɥʇ ǝɔᴉoʌ ɐ pɹɐǝɥ ǝɥs ʻɟʅǝsɹǝɥ ʇɐ ʞooʅ ɹǝsoʅɔ ɐ ǝʞɐʇ puɐ dn ʇᴉs oʇ ʇnoqɐ sɐʍ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ sɐ ʇsnᒋ

"¿ǝɯ ɹɐǝɥ noʎ uɐϽ ¿noʎ ʎʅʅɐǝɹ ʇɐɥʇ sᴉ – sI" ˙ʇǝǝɟ ɹǝɥ oʇuo pǝdɯnɾ ǝɥs sɐ ʎʅʅɐɔᴉʇuɐɹɟ ƃuᴉƃƃɐʍ ʅᴉɐʇ ʻʎʅdǝɹ uᴉ ʞɔɐq pǝɯɐǝɹɔs ǝɥs "¡ssǝN"

"¡noʎ ɹɐǝɥ ʇ'upᴉp I ¿ƃuᴉɥʇǝɯos ʎɐs oʇ ƃuᴉoƃ noʎ ǝɹǝϺ" ʻpǝʇnoɥs ʻspuoɔǝs os ɹo uǝʇ ʇxǝu ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ƃuᴉɥʇou ƃuᴉɹɐǝɥ uodn ʇnq ʻǝsuodsǝɹ sᴉɥ ɟo ʇsǝɹ ǝɥʇ ɹɐǝɥ oʇ pǝuᴉɐɹʇs ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ

˙ǝʅqᴉssod sɐ ʅʅᴉʇs puɐ ɯnɯ pǝʎɐʇs suoᴉʇɔnɹʇsuᴉ sᴉɥ ɹǝd sɐ ʇnq – pɹoʍ ɐ ɯɹoɟ oʇ ʍoʅǝq ɯoɹɟ ɯooz sɹǝʇʇǝʅ ǝɥʇ ʍɐs ǝɥs uǝɥʍ os ʎʅʅɐᴉɔǝdsǝ ʻʎɐs oʇ sƃuᴉɥʇ ʻɯᴉɥ ʞsɐ oʇ suoᴉʇsǝnb ɥʇᴉʍ ƃuᴉuɹnq sɐʍ ǝɥS ˙pǝɔɹoɟ pɐɥ uoᴉʇsnɐɥxǝ ɹǝɥ ʎʇᴉʅᴉnbuɐɹʇ ǝɥʇ ǝɯoɔɹǝʌo puɐ ʇɹɐǝɥ ɹǝɥ ʞɔɐʇʇɐ oʇ uɐƃǝq ʎʅʅɐuᴉɟ ɔᴉuɐd ɟo sqɐɾ ʅʅɐɯs ʇɐɥʇ os ʻʅʅǝʍ sɐ ɹǝɥ ɟo ɟɟo pǝqqnɹ ǝɔᴉoʌ sᴉɥ uᴉ uoᴉʇɐɹǝdsǝp ǝɥꓕ ˙ʇɥƃᴉɹʅɐ ʻʍǝuʞ ssǝN oS …ɹoɹɹᴉɯ ǝɥʇ oʇ uʍop noʎ ƃuᴉpǝǝdS

˙sƃunʅ ɹǝɥ ɟo doʇ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ɯɐǝɹɔs puɐ ʇnoqɐ ǝʌoɯ puɐ dn ʇǝƃ ʇsnɾ oʇ ǝɹᴉsǝp ƃuᴉsɐǝɔun uɐ puɐ ɔᴉuɐd ɔᴉqoɥdoɹʇsnɐʅɔ puɐ sʇɥƃnoɥʇ ƃuᴉɔɐɹ ɟo ǝuɐɔᴉɹɹnɥ ʅɐʇuǝɯ ɐ oʇuᴉ ʇuǝɯǝʌoɯ ʅɐɔᴉsʎɥd pǝssǝɹdǝɹ ƃuᴉʇɹǝʌuoɔ ʻǝʌᴉɹpɹǝʌo snoᴉɹnɟ ɐ uᴉ sɐʍ puᴉɯ ɹǝɥ ʅʅɐ ǝʌoq∀ ˙ǝɔuǝʅᴉs uᴉ ɟʅǝsɹǝɥ ƃuᴉsɹnɔ puɐ ƃuᴉddoʇs ʎʅʞɔᴉnb ǝɹoɟǝq ǝunʇ ɐ pǝɯɯnɥ ǝɥs ǝɔᴉʍʇ puɐ ʇɐoɹɥʇ ɹǝɥ pǝɹɐǝʅɔ ǝɥs ǝɔuO ˙sǝʌʅǝsɯǝɥʇ ʇɹǝxǝɹǝʌo oʇ ʇou ƃuᴉʎɹʇ sƃunʅ ɟo ɹᴉɐd ɐ ɟo ɯɥʇʎɥɹ ʎpɐǝʇs ǝɥʇ ɥʇᴉʍ pǝʌoɯ ʇsǝɥɔ ɹǝɥ ʻpǝɹǝʌᴉnb sƃǝʅ ɹǝɥ ʻpǝɥɔʇᴉʍʇ sɹǝƃuᴉɟ s'ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ ˙ƃuoʅ ɹoɟ ssǝʅuoᴉʇoɯ uᴉɐɯǝɹ puɐ ʇǝᴉnb ʎɐʇs ʎʅnɹʇ oʇ ǝʅqᴉssodɯᴉ ʻǝsɹnoɔ ɟo ʻsᴉ ʇᴉ ʻʇnꓭ

˙ǝɔuǝpuǝɔsuɐɹꓕ ʅɐǝɹǝɥʇƎ ɟo ɹoɹɹᴉꟽ ǝɥʇ oʇ ʇuǝɔsǝp s'ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ ɟo ǝsnɐɔ ǝɥʇ sǝᴉʅ uᴉǝɹǝɥʍ uoᴉʇᴉsodxǝ ʅɐuoᴉʇɔᴉɟɐʇǝɯ ɟo ǝsodɹnd ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ʎɹɐssǝɔǝu ʇɔɐɟ uᴉ ǝɹɐ sʅᴉɐʇǝp pǝʇɐoʅq puɐ ʎɹɐssǝɔǝuun ʎʅǝƃɹɐʅ ǝsǝɥʇ ʻspɹoʍ ɹǝɥʇo uI

˙ɹǝɥ oʇ ʇno ʅʅɐɔ ssǝN pɹɐǝɥ uᴉɐƃɐ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ ʻʎʇᴉuɹǝʇǝ uɐ ǝʞᴉʅ pǝɯǝǝs ʇɐɥʍ ɹǝʇɟɐ ʻʎʅʅɐuᴉᖵ

˙ʞɔɐq pǝʅʅǝʎ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "¿puᴉɯ ɹnoʎ ɟo ʇno ǝuoƃ noʎ ǝʌɐH"

˙uosᴉɹɐdɯoɔ uᴉ ʻuǝʌǝ ʻʎɐʍɐ ɹɐɟ puɐ ʅʅɐɯs – ssɐʅƃ ɟo ǝuɐd ƃuᴉdɹɐʍ-ʎʇᴉʅɐǝɹ ɐ ʇsuᴉɐƃɐ pǝɥsnɹɔ ƃuᴉǝq uɐɥʇ ƃuᴉɔnpuᴉ-ʎʇǝᴉxuɐ ǝɹoɯ ʎʅǝʇᴉuᴉɟuᴉ ʎpoq ɹǝɥ ɟo sʇɹɐd ʎɥʇʅɐǝɥ ʻʅɐuoᴉʇɔunɟ ʎʅʇɔǝɟɹǝd ǝʌoɯǝɹ ʎʅǝʇɐɹǝqᴉʅǝp oʇ ʎɹǝƃɹns ⅄Iᗡ ɐ ɟo ʇɔǝdsoɹd ǝɥʇ ʻɹǝʌǝ uɐɥʇ ɹǝpɹɐɥ puɐ ɹǝʇsɐɟ pǝqqoɹɥʇ ʇɹɐǝɥ ɹǝH ˙ɹɐǝʅɔ ʎʅuǝppns ƃuᴉɯoɔǝq ɯsᴉʅɐpuɐʌ s'dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ puᴉɥǝq ƃuᴉuɐǝɯ ǝɥʇ ʻʎpoq ɹǝɥ ʇɐ uʍop pǝʞooʅ uᴉɐƃɐ ǝɥs sɐ pǝuɐoɹƃ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ puɐ ʻǝɔᴉoʌ sᴉɥ uᴉ uoᴉʇɔᴉʌuoɔ ʇsǝuɹɐǝ ǝɥʇ ƃuᴉʎuǝp ou sɐʍ ǝɹǝɥꓕ

˙oɹɟ puɐ oʇ ʎpoq ɹǝɥ pǝʞɔoɹ ɹǝppnɥs ǝʅqᴉssǝɹdǝɹɹᴉ uɐ puɐ ʻǝɔɹoɟ ʅʅnɟ uᴉ pǝuɹnʇǝɹ ɹoɹɹǝʇ ɟo sǝʌɐʍ ʅɐᴉʇᴉuᴉ ǝɥꓕ ˙ɹoɹɹᴉɯ ǝɥʇ ʻʎʅǝɹᴉp ǝɹoɯ ʻpuɐ ʻʍou sɐʍ ssǝN ǝsoʅɔ ʍoɥ ʇsnɾ ƃuᴉʇou ʻdn pǝʞooʅ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ ¿ʎʅʅɐǝɹ ʇᴉ sɐʍ ʇnꓭ

˙ʎʅʞɐǝʍ pᴉɐs ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ "¿ʞɹoʍ ʅʅᴉʍ sᴉɥʇ ǝɹns ʎʅǝʇnʅosqɐ noʎ – no⅄"

˙ _pǝɥsnd_ puɐ ʻɥsǝʅɟ pǝʌɐɔuoɔ ǝɥʇ ʇsuᴉɐƃɐ ʎʅɯɹᴉɟ spuɐɥ ɹǝɥ pǝssǝɹd ʻuᴉ ɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝɥ pǝʞɔns ʻɥʇɐǝɹq dǝǝp ʅɐuᴉɟ ǝuo ʞooʇ ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ os puɐ ʻǝʇsɐʍ oʇ ʇᴉ ɟo ǝɹoɯ ou sɐʍ ʎʅʅɐǝɹ ǝɹǝɥꓕ ˙ɟo ǝʅʇʇᴉʅ ʎɹǝʌ pɐɥ ǝɥs ɥɔᴉɥʍ ɟo ǝɯᴉʇ snoᴉɔǝɹd ƃuᴉʇsɐʍ puɐ ƃuᴉʅqɯɐɹ ʻuᴉɐƃɐ sɐʍ ǝɥs ǝɹǝɥ pu∀ ˙ǝɟᴉʅ ƃuᴉuᴉɐʇsns ɟo ǝʅqɐdɐɔ puɐ ʅɐuoᴉʇɔunɟ ʎʅʅnɟ os ʎɯoʇɐuɐ uɐ pǝʇɐǝɹɔ pɐɥ uoᴉʇɐʇɔᴉp ɔᴉʇǝuǝƃ puɐ uoᴉʇɐʇnɯ puɐ uoᴉʇnʅoʌǝ ɟo sɹɐǝʎ ɟo suoᴉʅʅᴉɯ puɐ suoᴉʅʅᴉɯ ʍoɥ ʻsɐʍ ǝɥs pǝuƃᴉsǝp ʎʅʅnɟɹǝpuoʍ ʍoɥ ʇsnɾ ǝʇɐᴉɔǝɹddɐ oʇ ǝɯᴉʇ ǝɥʇ ƃuᴉʞɐʇ ʻʎpoq ɹǝɥ ʇɐ ʞooʅ ʇsɐʅ ƃuoʅ ǝuo ʞooʇ ǝɥS

˙ʎpoq ɹǝɥ ɟo ʇno ʇɥƃᴉɹ pǝddod ɥɔɐɯoʇs s'ɐᴉʅǝpɹoϽ puɐ _ɥɔʅǝn_ _b_ _s_ ʇsᴉoɯ ɐ sɐʍ ǝɹǝɥꓕ

˙ʇooq ʇɟǝʅ ɹǝɥ ɯoɹɟ ʎɐʍɐ ʇǝǝɟ oʍʇ pǝᴉʅ ɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝɥ uǝɥʍ ǝʅqᴉssod sɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ʍoɥ ʍouʞ ʇ'upᴉp ǝɥs ɥƃnoɥʇ ʻɹǝddns ɹǝɥ ɟo sʇuǝʇuoɔ ǝɥʇ dn ʍoɹɥʇ pʅnoɔ ǝɥs ɥƃnoɥʇ sɐ ʇʅǝɟ ǝɥs ʅʅᴉʇS ˙dn ƃuᴉɹᴉɟ ǝq pʅnoɥs sǝʌɹǝu pǝɹǝʌǝs ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ uᴉɐd ǝɯǝɹʇxǝ ou ʻpooʅq ɟo ʇsɹnqʇno ou sɐʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ – ʇɥƃᴉɹ uǝǝq pɐɥ ssǝN ˙ʇǝǝɟ ɹǝɥ pǝʞɔᴉʞ puɐ sǝǝuʞ ɹǝɥ ʇuǝq ǝɥs uǝɥʍ pǝɯɹᴉɟuoɔ ǝɥs ʇɔɐɟ ɐ ʻɟʅɐɥ ɹǝʍoʅ ƃuᴉuᴉɐɯǝɹ ɹǝɥ ɹǝʌo ʅoɹʇuoɔ pǝʇɹǝxǝ ʅʅᴉʇs ǝɥs ʇɐɥʇ punoɟ ɐᴉʅǝ ɹoϽ ʎpoq ɹǝɥ ɟo sʇɹɐd oʍʇ ǝɥʇ uǝǝʍʇǝq uoᴉʇɐɹɐdǝs ɹɐǝʅɔ ǝɥʇ ǝʇᴉdsǝᗡ ˙ɥƃnoɹɥʇ puɐɥ ɹǝɥ ʇᴉɟ oʇ ɹǝɥ ɹoɟ ɥƃnouǝ ǝƃɹɐʅ ʇsnɾ ʻǝɔɐds ʎʇdɯǝ ʍou sɐʍ sɐʍ ǝɔuo ɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝɥ ǝɹǝɥϺ ˙ǝɔuǝʇsᴉxǝ ɹǝɥ ɟo sɹɐǝʎ xᴉs-ʎʇɹᴉɥʇ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ǝɹnʇɐɹǝdɯǝʇ ʎpoq ʇuɐʇsuoɔ ɹǝpun pǝʇɐʅnƃǝɹ uǝǝq pɐɥ ʍou ʅᴉʇun ʇɐɥʇ ɥsǝʅɟ pǝsodxǝ ʻʍɐɹ ǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo pʅoɔ ɟo ɥsnɹ ʇuɐʇsuᴉ uɐ ʇʅǝɟ ǝɥs sɐ pǝuɐoɹƃ ɐᴉʅǝ ɹoϽ "ʻpɹᴉǝʍ ƃuᴉzznɟ ʎʅʅɐǝɹ sʅǝǝɟ sᴉɥʇ ʻʎɐʞO"

˙uᴉʞs pǝɹǝʎɐʅ ɟo puᴉɹ ʞɔᴉɥʇ ɐ ʎq ɹǝɥʇǝƃoʇ pʅǝɥ ʅʅɐ ʻɹǝɥ ɟo ʇno pǝʅʅnd ʇsnɾ pɐɥ ǝɥs ǝuoz ǝɥʇ ʇᴉqᴉɥuᴉ oʇ pǝuǝddɐɥ ʇɐɥʇ suɐƃɹo ɹǝɥʇo ʻsǝuᴉʇsǝʇuᴉ ɹǝɥ ɟo ʇɹɐd ʻʎɹɐpuoɔǝs puɐ ʎɹɐɯᴉɹd ɥʇoq ʻsɥɔɐɯoʇs ɹǝɥ ʻsǝuoq ʻsʅǝssǝʌ pooʅq ʻsǝʌɹǝu ʻsǝʅɔsnɯ ʻsʇɐɟ – suɐƃɹo pǝʌɐǝʅɔ ɹǝɥ ɟo sɐǝɹɐ ʅɐuoᴉʇɔǝs-ssoɹɔ ǝɥʇ ǝǝs pʅnoɔ ǝɥs ʻǝʌoqɐ ɯoɹɟ ʇᴉ ʇɐ ƃuᴉʞoo⅂ ˙ʎpoq ɹǝɥ uo pǝɹnɾuoɔ pɐɥ dՈ-ɯƎ-ǝƃpnᖵ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ sǝuᴉʅ pǝʇʇop ǝɥʇ oʇ ƃuᴉpɹoɔɔɐ pǝʇɔǝssᴉp ʻɥsǝʅɟ ɟo ǝƃpǝʍ pǝdɐɥs-ɔsᴉp ʇɔǝɟɹǝd ɐ sɐʍ ʇI ˙dn ʇᴉ pǝʞɔᴉd ǝɥS

˙'p' ɹǝʇʇǝʅ ǝɥʇ sɐʍ ʻᴉɥso⅄ ɐ ɟo ʎɯoʇɐuɐ ǝɥʇ ƃuᴉʎpnʇs ɹɐʅoɥɔs ɐ ɟo ǝɔuǝᴉuǝʌuoɔ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ʅǝqɐʅ ɐ ɥƃnoɥʇ sɐ ʻƃuᴉsɐɔ ɹǝʇno ʇɐɥʇ uo uǝʇʇᴉɹʍ pu∀

"¡ɥɔʇɐϽ ¡ssǝN" ʻpǝʇnoɥs puɐ ʻsǝpᴉs ʇɥƃᴉɹ ɹǝɥ puɐ puɐɥ ɹǝɥ uǝǝʍʇǝq pǝʇsǝɹ ʇᴉ ʇɐɥʇ os ʞsᴉp ǝɥʇ ƃuᴉpʅoɥ ɯɹɐ ǝɥʇ pǝʅʅnd ʻʞɔɐq puɐ ʇsᴉɐʍ ɹǝɥ pǝʇsᴉʍʇ ɐᴉʅǝ ɹoϽ ˙ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ ɟo ʇno ʎʅʅɐɹǝʇᴉʅ sɐʍ ʇɐɥʇ ʍou ʻʅʅǝϺ

˙ɹǝɥ ʇɐ ʞɔɐq ʇɥƃᴉɹ ʎʅʅǝq ɹǝɥ ɥɔunɐʅ oʇ punoɹɐ ƃuᴉddᴉɥʍ ǝɹoɟǝq ʅʅɐ ʻǝǝqsᴉɹɟ ɔᴉuɐƃɹo ǝɥʇ ɥɔʇɐɔ – ʇᴉpǝɹɔ sᴉɥ oʇ ɥɔnɯ ʻʎʅʇuǝƃ ɹǝɥʇɐɹ – oʇ pɹɐʍɹoɟ ʇoɥs ssǝN sɐ pǝɥɔʇɐʍ ǝɥS ˙ssɐʅƃ ɟo ɥɔʇǝɹʇs ƃuᴉɯooʅ ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ ƃuᴉddᴉʅs ǝʅqnoɹʇ ou pɐɥ ǝsᴉʍǝʞᴉʅ puɐ ʻpʅǝᴉɟ ʅɐuoᴉʇɐʇᴉʌɐɹƃ ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ ƃuᴉʞɐǝɹq uᴉ ǝʅqnoɹʇ ou punoɟ uɐƃɹo pǝᴉpoqɯǝsᴉp ɹǝH ˙pɐǝɥ ɹǝɥ ɹǝʌo ʇɥƃᴉɐɹʇs ʇᴉ ƃunʅɟ ǝɥs uǝɥʇ pu∀

˙ǝuo sɐʍ ɹǝʌǝ ǝɹǝɥʇ ɟᴉ uᴉ dɯnɾ oʇ uoᴉʇɐʇᴉʌuᴉ uɐ ʻƃuᴉuǝdo ʎɥsǝʅɟ ǝɥʇ ʇnoqɐ ɟʅǝsʇᴉ ǝʇɐɹʇuǝɔuoɔ ssǝuǝnʅq ǝɥʇ pᴉp ooʇ os ʻɹoʇɐɔᴉpuᴉ ɥƃnouǝ ɹɐǝʅɔ ɐ ʇ'usɐʍ ʇɐɥʇ ɥƃnoɥʇ s∀ ˙ʎpoq ǝɹᴉʇuǝ ɹǝɥ ʇᴉɟ ʎʅǝɹɐq ʇsnɾ oʇ ɥƃnouǝ ǝƃɹɐʅ sɐʍ ɥɔɐɯoʇs ʎɹɐɯᴉɹd ɹǝɥ oʇ ǝɔuɐɹʇuǝ pǝɹǝʌǝs ǝɥʇ uǝɥʍ ƃuᴉʍoɹƃ pǝddoʇs ʇI ˙ʅoɹǝʇsǝʅoɥɔ ʍoʅʅǝʎ ɟo qoʅq ƃuᴉʇɐsʅnd ɥɔɐǝ ʻsǝʅɔsnɯ ɹǝɥ ɟo ɹǝqᴉɟ ʅɐnpᴉʌᴉpuᴉ ǝɥʇ ǝʇɐᴉɔǝɹddɐ ʎʅɹɐǝʅɔ ǝɹoɯ pʅnoɔ sǝʎǝ ƃuᴉuǝpᴉʍ ɹǝɥ ʇɐɥʇ os dn ƃuᴉʍoʅq ʎɯoʇɐuɐ ʅɐuoᴉʇɔǝs-ssoɹɔ ɹǝɥ ɟo suoᴉʇɹodoɹd ǝɥʇ ʻʎʅuǝppns puɐ ʎʅpᴉdɐɹ pǝpuɐdxǝ ɥɔɐɯoʇs s'ɐᴉʅǝ ɹoϽ ˙ʍoʅƃ ǝnʅq ʅɐǝɹǝɥʇǝ uɐ uo ƃuᴉʞɐʇ uɐƃǝq pɹoʍ pǝɥsᴉuᴉɟ-ʎʅʅɐuᴉɟ ǝɥʇ ǝɔɐʅd oʇuᴉ ƃuᴉʞɔoʅ uodՈ ˙ƃuᴉuuᴉƃǝq ǝɥʇ ʇɐ uoᴉʇᴉsod sʇᴉ ƃuᴉʞɐʇ ʻʎʅsnoᴉʌǝɹd uʍoɹɥʇ pɐɥ ssǝN ʇɐɥʇ sɹǝʇʇǝʅ ǝɥʇ ɟo ʇsǝɹ ǝɥʇ pǝuᴉoɾ ʇI ˙'d' ɐ pǝʅʅǝds ʍou uᴉʞs ɹǝɥ uo 'p' ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ os ʻʎʇɥƃᴉǝ-puɐ-pǝɹpunɥ ʅʅnɟ ɐ pǝuɹnʇ puɐ uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn ɟʅǝsʇᴉ pǝddᴉʅɟ ɥɔɐɯoʇs s'ɐᴉʅǝ ɹoϽ ˙pǝssǝuʇᴉʍ ɹǝʌǝ pɐɥ ǝɥs ʇɥƃᴉs ǝɹɹɐzᴉq ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ sɐʍ ʇxǝu pǝuǝddɐɥ ʇɐɥϺ

"¿ʇɥƃᴉɹ ʻɟʅǝsʎɯ ʇɐǝ oʇ ǝɯ ƃuᴉʞsɐ ʎʅʅɐɔᴉsɐq ǝɹ'noʎ ǝzᴉʅɐǝɹ no⅄"

˙sǝʎǝ ɹǝɥ pǝsoʅɔ puɐ ʻsnƃɐɥdosǝ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɯᴉɹ ǝɥʇ oʇ dn pǝddǝʇs ʻpǝɥƃᴉs ɐᴉʅǝ ɹoϽ ˙ssɐʅƃ ǝɥʇ ʇsuᴉɐƃɐ ɯʅɐd ɹǝɥ ƃuᴉssǝɹd ɯoɹɟ ʎɐʍɐ ɥɔʇǝɹʇs s'ɯɹɐ ǝɹǝɯ ɐ ʻʍou ɹǝʌǝ uɐɥʇ ɹǝsoʅɔ sɐʍ ʎʅʅɐǝɹ ǝɥS :ǝsɹnoɔ ɟo ʻʇɥƃᴉɹ sɐʍ ǝH

˙˙˙pɹɐʍɹoɟ dᴉʇ ʎpoq ɹǝɥ ʇǝʅ ǝɥS

 **ʅɐꓕꓤod**

* * *

"Cords!" Ness shouted, looking up to the undefined ceiling where his friend dangled from. "You alright up there?"

He heard no reply, though this came as no surprise: Cordelia was nothing but a infinitesimal speck now, a million miles too far away to be of any visual or auditory significance.

"Hey! Fudge-Em-Up! Bring her back down, you fudging reality-bending psycho!"

 ** _Psycho? Reality-bending? FUDGING? Oh, you flatter me so!_**

"None of those were meant as a compliment," Ness muttered under his breath.

 _ **In any case! If you truly wish to bring your friend back to your current ground of residence, you don't require my assistance!**_

"What do you mean? I can't manipulate the fields of gravity and concentrate them in specific spatial zones! All I can do is make psychic shields... And blast things apart with my Rockin' Guitar... And hit stuff with my baseball bat..."

 _ **You didn't let me finish, you weirdo amalgamation of magical atoms and ferroelectric forces! Do you not see the Mirror of Ethereal Transcendence above you?**_

Ness looked up and squinted harder. Sure enough, he could just barely make out the boundaries of a thick, transparent pane of glass, though the latter adjective immediately brought some questions to mind.

"How is this a mirror if it's transparent?"

 _ **Why don't you find out for yourself?**_

From out of nowhere, to Ness's increasing lack of surprise, popped a random capital **F** , uniquely bolded compared to the rest of the text for your reading pleasure.

Ness frowned suspiciously as he laid a cautious finger on the sloped head of the **F** , and then, noting that nothing out of the ordinary was happening, picked it up in his right hand and lobbed it above his head. It skyrocketed up, up, and up, showing no signs of stopping (and, if anything, seeming to pick up speed as it scaled the white and scrawls of black), until finally it broke through the literal glass ceiling and –

Ness gasped as the **F** , rather than smashing and shattering the glass ceiling, sank through the mirror as though it was some pool of gelatinous liquid, magically turned into an **ᖵ** , and quickly faded away into the distance. Then he cried out, more to himself than to anyone else, "So anything I throw up there gets both inverted _and_ reflected?"

 _ **Hence why it's called mirror! And guess what? It works both ways! Allow your pet to demonstrate, you applest apple among a bunch of bananas!**_

"She's not a _pet_ ," Ness said, feeling, for the first time since he set foot in the dimension, affronted and angry. "She's a _friend_."

 _ **Ha! Same difference, really! Pet, friend, family, who cares? In the end, they're all just convenient cow-slaves whose teats you squeeze for a quaff of that warm milk you three-dimensional simpletons call 'love'! But enough about that! You're going to miss the reverse demonstration!**_

Ness looked up just in time to see an **ᖵ** fall through the mirror, in a manner similar to how the right-side-up **F** had bypassed the transparent boundary – but this time, instead of becoming reversed and inverted as the previous **F** had, this one stubbornly remained its upside-down, reflected counterpart.

"How come this one didn't... Didn't... Well, didn't turn back to normal?" Ness asked, watching the **ᖵ** fade away just before it could hit him over the head.

 _ **Because that's just how the mirror works, kiddo! Stuff that goes in becomes inverted and reflected; stuff that goes out remain their crazy gravity-defying selves! It's only science! It's only anarchy! It's only completely and unequivocally FUDGED UP!**_

"Okay," Ness said, largely ignoring the words of apparent condescension conjuring themselves into existence, and instead choosing to rub his temples in contemplation of his next question. "So, what do you want me to do? That still doesn't explain how I can bring Cordelia back down here."

 _ **Patience, you figurative opposite of a sick or injured person in need of medical assistance! Heed these words I am about to impart upon the orifices of your head that detect the intricate vibrations of molecules traveling through the air!**_

And to the first crazy tune that comes to your mind, the Fudge-Em-Up sang:

 _ **Look at these letters! Many you have got!  
Lowercase or capital, it completely matters not!  
Now look at your pet! Categorized into parts!  
With the ability to non-bloodily pull herself apart!  
Be sure to be quick! Or else she'll go SQOOSH!  
Against the looking glass, through which letters will go WHOOSH!  
And finally, think of a hole, that could transport a mortal!  
** **And I can't think of a rhyme, so I'll just say: THE CAKE IS THE TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH!** **  
And in only one of these lines, I just LIED, LIED, LIED!**_

Ness's head span with all sorts of psychedelic imagery that the Fudge-Em-Up's song had incited in his mind, and when he finally came to, it was to find the following letters underneath his feet:

a/B/f/g/K/l/M/n/o/R/T/v/W/x/Z

Ness stared for an entire minute longer at the list of alphabets now floating over his head, before saying out loud, "So, I'm supposed to throw these letters up to Cordelia and assemble some sort of... Word that can get her out of there?"

Silence. Ness waited a good ten seconds for a response that never came, before shouting this time with his hands around his mouth, "Hey! I'm asking a question over here!"

Again, no response.

"Fine. I don't need your crummy cryptic help anyway." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and kicked at absolutely nothing. Then he looked up again to brood over the letters presented to him, only to see that Cordelia was much closer to the glass ceiling than ever before. He balked and looked closely to ensure that he wasn't seeing things. He wasn't; Cordelia definitely had gotten closer to the glass ceiling – floor in her case – in the meaningless time that had slipped past in his musings and conversations with the Fudge-Em-Up.

What was it that the Fudge-Em-Up had sang...? Luckily for Ness, the complete lyrics of the puzzling rhyme was written in LARGE, **bold** , _italicized_ text up above, and Ness ran his eyes through the lines until he found the ones that most fittingly described for the current situation:

 _Be sure to be quick! Or else she'll go SQOOSH!_  
 _Against the looking glass..._

Ness felt his stomach drop all the way to the base of his groin.

"Cords!" Ness shouted at the top of his lungs, nearly bursting an alveolus or two. "Whatever you do, don't do anything! Just – just stay still as long as possible while I bust you out of there! The more you do stuff, the faster you'll be brought against the glass ceiling – floor – and crushed to death! Got it?"

He had to prickle his ears to hear the slightest wave of sound, so soft that he could make out nary a word that Cordelia was presumably shouting back. At the very least, he hoped that he had communicated the urgency in his voice with the frantic waves of his arms, an urgency that grew increasingly prodigious as he saw, from the corner of his eyes, Cordelia's slow, but sure, descent to the indestructible ceiling of death looming above.

"Something to bring her back down here," Ness muttered furiously as he scanned the list of letters again and again. "Something to bring her back down..."

Yet no combination of letters that could happily spell out the perfect tool to bring Cordelia down from her upside-down madness came to mind. Ness, desperate for clues, turned to reading through the Fudge-Em-Up's song again. He read it a grand total of six separate times before realizing that nothing was sticking in his brain.

'Chill, dude,' he thought to himself, closing his eyes, clenching his fists, and breathing in deep and hard. 'Don't panic, don't panic. Concentrate, don't panic…'

When he opened his eyes again, it was to see this:

 **PANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPICNICPANICPANICPANICPANICPENICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANIC**

"Very funny," was the only verbal indication Ness gave of this literal literary barriers of panic as he scanned the lyrics again.

 _Look at these letters! Many you have got!_

Fifteen, to be exact...

 _Lowercase or capital, it completely matters not!_

Seemed pretty obvious: It didn't matter whether the letter he used to spell out the word was lowercase or capital, it would work regardless.

 _Now look at your pet! Categorized into parts!_

Ness did exactly what he was told. He squinted hard, and that, combined with the ever-bridging distance between her and the mirror, finally enabled him to make out numerous dotted lines sectioning the Yoshi's anatomy:

-Her head was marked with a 'C'.  
-Her chest and arms were marked with an 'o'.  
-Her middle torso was marked with an 'r'.  
-Her stomach was marked with a 'd'.  
-Her groin was marked with an 'e'.  
-Her left leg was marked with an 'l'.  
-Her right leg was marked with an 'i'.  
-Her tail was marked with an 'a'.

It was almost as though a surgeon had picked up a surgical marker, drew incision lines all over her body, and labeled the different parts with whatever letter he saw fit.

...What was the next line again?

 _With the ability to non-bloodily pull herself apart!_

Ness felt a queasy sense of dread squirm like a worm in his stomach. He wasn't sure whether it was the trick of distance or the placebo effect, but when he next looked up it almost seemed as though Cordelia's stomach was... Not quite aligned with the rest of her body.

Steeling himself to bark out what would be his most ridiculous set of instructions yet, Ness again cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted, "Cords!"

At last he heard a response.

"Barely!" Ness shouted back. "Listen, Cords! This is going to sound crazy, but you have to trust me! Do you think… You can maybe just… Just, uh…"

The voice died in his throat, not because he could not think of any words to describe to Cordelia that she might have to perform a live dissection on herself, but because his eyes had accidentally glossed over the last line of the song:

 _And in only one of these lines, I just LIED, LIED, LIED!_

Come to think of it, what if this was the line in which the Fudge-Em-Up was lying? Or, even more diabolical, lying such that the only mistruth was the bit about the _non-bloody_ fashion?

Ness shuddered at the grotesque images suddenly flooding his mind.

"No – nothing! Just stay still while I find a way to get you down from there! And stop talking! It's speeding you down to the mirror!"

Again Ness's eyes raced through the lyrics of the song, the calm that he had so forcefully mustered giving way to panic again. So Fudge-Em-Up was lying about one of its line. So what? All he had to do was to find out which one it was lying about, and he could make his plan accordingly from there. No need to panic, no need to panic...

 _Look at these letters! Many you have got!  
_ _Lowercase or capital, it completely matters not!_

Facts he had confirmed not too long ago.

 _Now look at your pet! Categorized into parts!_

Also true.

 _With the ability to non-bloodily pull herself apart!_

He pushed this one away for now.

 _Be sure to be quick! Or else she'll go SQOOSH!_

What he wouldn't give for _this_ to be the lie, but he very much doubted a psychopathic master of illusion and reality would pass up the opportunity to squish an organic being of structure and stability into a messy splatter of blood, crushed bones, and various other squashed organs.

 _Against the looking glass, through which letters will go WHOOSH!_

Also true, as had been demonstrated with that **F**.

 _And finally, think of a hole, that could transport a mortal!_

What was there to lie about here? Fudge-Em-Up wasn't stating something; he was ordering, which was impossible to lie about.

 _And I can't think of a rhyme, so I'll just say: THE CAKE IS THE TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH!_

"The cake is the truth," Ness mumbled to himself. "The cake is the truth..."

As far as idiomatic expressions went, this one might as well be a load of nonsense. The Fudge-Em-Up certainly seemed insane enough to spout words of crackpot poetry as it pleased. But reading the line, over and over again, invoked a peculiar memory in his brain, dusty and muddled and unclear from being near-forgotten in the darkest corners of his skull. He was sure he had heard it somewhere before, in one of the countless planets he had visited back in his own reality. The cake is the truth? What did it mean? And was that really how the saying went? Was the cake the truth, or was it...?

" _A lie_ ," Ness whispered.

He felt his stomach squirm with excitement. He was getting somewhere, he was sure of it! The cake was not the truth; the cake was a fabrication, a myth, a tale of falsehood and dishonesty. And if this particular part of the line was not the truth, then surely the rest of it wasn't!

 _And I can't think of a rhyme..._

Ness read the last word of the preceding line. 'Mortal'. Was it really that hard to come up with a word that rhymed with 'mortal'? Ness ran the words through his head. Bortal. Cortal. Dortal. Eortal? No, no, ignore the vowels. Fortal. Gortal. Hortal. Jortal. Kortal. Lortal. Mor... Nortal. Oortal – ignore the vowels, danggit! Portal. Qortal. Rortal. Sor –

 _Wait, wait. What was that again? Go back._

 _Rortal._

 _No, before that._

 _Qortal?_

"PORTAL, YOU IDIOT!" Ness shouted, bashing his forehead with an open palm in ecstatic triumph. Repressing the urge to whoop in glee, he instead turned again to Cordelia. "Cords! I figured it out! Don't worry, I'll get you back down in no time! Just do what you've always been doing, which is to say absolutely nothing, or you'll be crushed to death against the glass!"

"Yeah, but don't worry, it's not gonna happen 'cause I'm going to bust you outta there with this portal I'm about to invent! All I need to do is to throw the right letters up to you! Now, let's see here..."

And, promptly ignoring the look of utter confusion dawning on Cordelia's face, Ness cartoonishly extended his arm, grabbed the list of letters that was now separated by a huge chunk of microscopic scrawls, and brought them, again, to the bottom of his feet.

a/B/f/g/K/l/M/n/o/R/T/v/W/x/Z

"Portal," Ness muttered again and again. "Portal..."

Even as he reached forth to grab the 'a', 'l', 'o', 'R', and 'T' his heart faltered slightly at the conspicuous absence of one essential letter. He ignored the sinking feeling, however, and threw the letters overhead. Like the **F** before them, they passed through the mirror with little resistance, but this time did not vanish shortly after entering the alternate realm. Instead they remained hovering above the boundary of the line, obediently shifting into their respective positions in the word they were intended for, so that very soon the letters were spelling:

ʅɐꓕꓤo

Five down, one to go.

 _All I'm missing now is 'p'. I just need one more to finish the portal and get Cordelia down from there! But..._

Ness searched through the remaining letters again and again, looking over each with a razor-sharp focus better equipped for solving differential equations and matrix multiplications, but the outcome was always the same: No 'p' magically popped into existence, no mischievous alphabet shed its invisible disguise and shouted, "It's just a prank, bro! It's just a prank!"

Ness sighed and rubbed his eyes. Truth be told, he knew that it would come to this. The contents of the Fudge-Em-Up's song had made it obvious what he had to do next – what was the point of the second verse otherwise? Even with his eyes closed his mind was already dissecting Cordelia's name into the components of its alphabets. 'C', 'o', 'r', 'd', 'e', 'l', 'i', 'a'...

'But still no 'p'', Ness thought suddenly with yet another tiny jolt of panicked realization jumping his heart.

He looked up, and, to the further exacerbation of his heartrate, saw that Cordelia could not be more than fifty feet away from the glass now (if such measures of distance held any more relevance). At the same time, a small trickle of relief freed him slightly from the tightening tendrils of terror, for the warped properties of the mirror allowed him to clearly see that, in Cordelia's dimension where up was down and left was right, where his elusive 'p' finally was.

 _Because that's just how the mirror works, kiddo! Stuff that goes in becomes inverted and reflected; stuff that goes out remain their crazy gravity-defying selves!_

He knew now what he had to do.

Ness thrust his head upwards and swelled his chest with the amount of air necessary to shout out what might be the strangest set of instructions he would ever have to give in his life.

"Cords! What I'm about to tell you next is going to sound super crazy, but you just have to trust me!" He wasted no time in waiting for a response. "Look – you know how your body is segmented into the alphabets of your name? You can, uh, pull certain parts apart from your body! I know it sounds crazy, but trust me, there isn't going to be any blood, and it's going to be totally pain-free! I think," Ness hurriedly added under his breath.

"No, I haven't! Listen, I figured it out! I need to spell the word 'portal' to get you out of there, but the Fudge-Em-Up didn't give me the letter 'p'! I need that letter from your body to finish the word!" Ness mustered another deep breath. "You have to trust me, Cords! I'm trying to save you from being crushed to death! All you need to do is to drop me the part of your body that has 'd', and I swear I can save you!"

Ness nodded. "Absolutely."

Ness watched as a fleeting look of hesitation and worry passed over Cordelia's face, before it was quickly replaced by that of resolute determination. He nearly closed his eyes as Cordelia popped her own belly out of her body, and could not repress the instinctual squirm that so often happens in the face of the grotesque. He did not have to wait much longer before the cleaved dinosaur called out for his attention, and barely a second later Cor elia's disembodied meat disc landed in Ness's ready hands with a wet _poick_!

"Blegh." Ness made sure to hide his disgust by turning to the floor. It was a good thing he had such limited time left, because the very fact that he was feeling his best friend's moist, squishy inner organs might have offered some serious temptation to inconsiderately let the thing slip from his fingers. Instead he wheeled his arms back in a similar stance to Cor elia's, and, aiming his shot carefully, launched the final letter to finally complete the legendary word of the day.

Though he understood that Cor elia was collecting herself before taking the weird plunge into her own digestive system, Ness could not help but call out, "Come on, Cords! What are you waiting for? Jump in!"

"Well, it's either you eat yourself or become squished into a pancake!"

There was a great series of gurgling and hissing noises as Ness watched a noticeable lump travel the winding path of Cor elia's enlarged entrails. He held his breath when the bulge neared the end of severed intestine, upon which it shriveled slightly, shook tremendously, as though trying its absolute hardest to keep the growing bulge from escaping its confines. Then –

– there was a vile retching noise as the lower mouth of the intestine finally spat out a green, sticky blob with a violent sneeze. The blob landed with a loud moist _splat_ and broke off into brilliant arching shower of stomach acids, revealing, finally, a very much right-side-up Cor elia, panting and coated with sticky green and looking as though she had suffered the trial of a lifetime.

A few wheezing gasps later, Cor elia, with heavy bags of skin under her eyes, finally sputtered, "My respect for food has grown."

"Cords!" The scream of jubilation was about to be met by one of their usual tight hugs, but the stench of vomit hit Ness's nostrils and immediately made him skid to a halt just half an inch from Cor elia's dripping arm. He cleared his throat, cast an awkward eye to the ground, and grinned, "Heh. Maybe after you've taken a shower."

"Yeah, hello to you too," Cor elia grumbled as she grabbed her dripping hair and wrung it of her own body fluids. A second later her nose was greeted with a wet slap of her stomach, back to its normal size and dimensions, breaking free from the mirrored dimensions above.

"And hello to _you_ ," Cor elia greeted in a considerably brighter tone as she grabbed it from her snout and wasting no time in wedging the missing wedge back into her wedgeless body. There was a brief flash of gold as her missing body part reunited with the rest of her, and with the light subsided it was to reveal a whole, complete Cordelia.

"We did it," Ness said as Cordelia patted her tummy, just to make sure. "We got you down from there before Fudge-Em-Up could crush you to death! Ha! You hear that, Fudge-Em-Up? We defeated you!" Ness looked to the voided heavens, where the upside-down dimension resided no longer, and gloated, "Nice try, but there's no challenge too hard for a pair of smarts like Cordelia and I!"

At last there was a response.

 _ **Oh ho ho ho, is that so? Well, too bad for you, but I'm just getting started! Get ready, Yoshi and gentleman, fo** **r** **–**_

"No!" Cordelia somehow interrupted the writing of a malevolent god of illusion as she thrust her roaring head to the condescending words. "No! No more challenges! We've had enough! This madness ends NOW!"

And with a hard pull of her head, Cordelia shot her tongue out like a bullet to where the words were being written, with the furious intention of grabbing the Fudge-Em-Up once and for all and bring it down to the realm of visibility and tangibility to give it a piece of her mind. Well, her tongue grabbed something alright, and for a triumphant second as Cordelia reeled her tongue back in she was absolutely convinced that she had it now. But her confidence waned as she noticed just how small and round the – _thing_ she had grabbed was, how familiar in its texture and... Taste? The answer to the mystery revealed itself shortly after, as her tongue finally finished its plummeting descent and bopped the object over Ness's head.

"Ow!" Ness exclaimed as an 🍎 bounced off his cap and rolled between Cordelia's leg.

 _ **Thank you for the demonstration! Now, if you'll allow me to finish! Get ready, Yoshi and gentleman, for your final challenge**_ _ **–**_ _ **the Imagery Challenge!**_

🎲dtN✂️ **c** hTxx _K_ 💧🍙


End file.
